Today was an alright day...so far. This summer is flying by so fast...I can't belive that friday is going to be July 1st! Just when I thought that I was starting to figure out where I'm going to fit into this whole thing, everything seems to change. Actually, last saturday night was quite encouraging. I've been consistently leading worship there for about a month or so now, and it has been consistently pretty bad. It got to the point where I beginning to get pretty discouraged about this whole transition thing. However, it actually went relatively well this past weekend. It can be so easy to forget that leading worship is so much more than just showing up and using your gifts to play a couple songs and sing. It is leading people into an experience with the living God....and there is no way that we can do that on our own. It really hit me last night when I was reading John 15 when it says...

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
No branch can bear fruit by itself;
It must remin in the vine.
Niether can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

The lone act of playing the guitar, or piano, or singing, or doing whatever it is that you do, is never enough to guide people to having the experience with God that we try to facilitate through corporate worship. Nothing good would be coming out of our labors if that were the case. The most dangerous thing, is that if you really dig deep into this analogy that John uses, is that if there is a dead vine, it must be cut off from the rest because it will begin to strangle and damage the well vines as they continue to try and grow. By one person's lack of bearing fruit, it can be harmful to all the others around them. The good thing is that this is not irreversible because if we remain in Christ...or even come back to Christ for that matter, we would once again be able to "bear fruit."


All of my life
I've been in hiding
Wishing there was someone just like You
Now that You're here
Now that I've found You
I know that You're the One to pull me through
--david crowder band "deliver me"

Yesterday I went to alive with the worship team...it was really fun. The majority of the bands during the day weren't all that great...but the David Crowder Band and Switchfoot definitly made up for it. Plus, it was great just to be able to hang out with the worship team all day. It was really hot and dusty...I literally got home at midnight and took a shower just because I felt so nasty. I would go back tonight and go see third day and crowder again, but it's still $40 even if you only go to the night concerts...plus I'm leading worship again at the church. I'll just have to try and find something else entertaining to do later tonight.


For you I'd wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come, and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
--coldplay "til kingdom come"

Monday I really didn't do anything too important. We had my dad's belated father's at sluggers and putters and went minigolfing. I was doing great...but I still came in third place. (that is out of 7 people though) But then yesterday I did the norm. I taught all of my lessons and stuff, then I hung around for worship team practice...even though I didn't play anything. Sean said it was alright if I just hung out during practice, just as long as I didn't let him put me to work doing stuff. It just makes sense that I stay anyways...I'm there right before hand teaching lessons, and then I normally go out with them afterwards anyways. Well then afterwards we went to taco bell...which I ate. Fast food freaks me out sometimes. Then Josh spilled an entire cup of water pretty much in my lap...it was all good though...mostly funny. So then after that I went over to rachel's and just hung out. Pretty exciting life huh?

I have nothing philosophical to say today...but if you have any free time this summer and are looking for a few books to read...read "Lady In Waiting" by Debby Jones and Jackie Kendall and "The Case for Christ" by Lee Strobel. I just finished re-reading "lady in waiting." It's an easy but very insightful read. I'm still working on Lee Strobel's book, but it is really good so far. I swear that something has happened. Strangely enough, something has turned me onto reading recently...I think it's just the idea of all the insight and knowledge you can gain from reading about different theological perspectives and ideas about different topics that are applicable to any Christian's life.


Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where want and I know where you'll end up
--copeland "hold nothing back"

It's been a long weekend. All last night and this morning I was running around down at the church playing with the boys at the car show. It was me, sean, ryan, nate, josh, and eric. It actually sounded pretty good. So pretty much all afternoon I've just been hanging around my house not doing a whole lot of anything. My dad is out of town, so we're going to do father's day tomorrow night...so I'm not really obligated to be around my house tonight, and Rachel is out of town...so I don't even know who to call about tonight. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut. I don't think it'll go too short...I'm not sure. For awhile I was thinking about just chopping it off...but I just can't do that. It definitly needs trimmed at least. Yesterday morning I bought tickets go go see coldplay! I'm so excited, you have no idea! I'm buying nick his ticket as his birthday present, so we're going to go to the show over in pittsburgh in august.


You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind
--coldplay "green eyes"

So, I'm quickly discovering that there really is nothing to do around here. Apparently the only thing to do is watch movies because that's all I've been doing lately--Monday-movie night with the freshman Tuesday--movie with the worship team gang Wednesday--movie with rachel. Tonight--proably another movie. There's got to be something more interesting to do...not that movies aren't good or anything...but it's starting to get a little old. So, essentially, that's all I've really been doing lately. Hmm...what else has been happening...oh, jr crashed here at my house last night because he left his keys at the clubhouse in benny's neighborhood.

I wish that my parents would loosen up a bit. When my brothers graduated and turned 18, they could do pretty much whatever they wanted to do...but not the case with me because I'm a girl. That is seriously the only reason why I'd want to move out...just so that they can't tell me what to do anymore. They were never like this with my brothers, so it's really frustrating me. They really don't care how late people are here at my house...they just don't want me out. It just doesn't make any sense. The reason (supposedly) that they don't want me out late is because they don't want me driving around when all the bars are closing and stuff (which I didn't even know there were that many bars around here to be concerned about) But, they don't care that I always have to take the people home who are over at my house later than they let me stay out. So, I'm still out driving late...but now they don't care. Apparently they haven't thought out their arguments too well because I'm finding loop holes...


If it looks like it works
And it feels like it works
Then it works
With the sun on your face
All these worries will soon disappear
Just follow me now
--snow patrol "wow"

Last night was great. Rachel, Josh, and I went up to Cleveland to go see copeland at the odeon. They were really good. They played all of my favorite songs. Anyone can sound good on a cd because they can keep redoing sections of songs or digitally altering things, but they were surprisingly just as good in concert. And on top of that, they were pretty funny too.

"aw, how cute, you actually think we're listening to you"
"...your form was just a little off..."

But anyways, I wasn't really that tired afterwards, which was good because they both fell asleep for most of the ride home. It was actually kind of funny...and at the same time it was relaxing because I was just driving and listening to Damien Rice. I love going out like that...we should do it more often. Well, today I just slept in. I really haven't done anything of great importance. I cleaned up the basement a little because I'm having a big movie night with my d-group girls and then went out and ran errands for awhile.


Nothing unusual, nothing's changed
Just a little older that's all
You know when you've found it
There's something I've learned
'Cause you feel it when they take it away
--damien rice "amie"

Today was a long day. I went to ryan and sarita's wedding, then danielle's grad party, then I went to church and led worship, then I drove up to fairlawn and went to jackie's grad party. So, tomorrow is the copeland concert up in cleveland. I'm not sure if I want to go or not...I do, but I don't...if that makes sense. Part of it is the driving...I just got gas, and i know i'll need it again. I'm really tired tonight...and I wasn't really even out late last night or anything. Last night I went to the "lot party" (once again moved inside). It was fun, but there really weren't that many people there. I know that benny is really trying...but it's just really difficult for him to get people to do anything other than show up on sunday mornings. If anything, I'd think that having a lot of stuff planned during the summer would get people coming more and more. my question is...what else are people really going to do? Is there something else more interesting going on that I don't know about?


Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on
--damien rice "cannonball"

So, I just got home from the movies with some of my friends from Jackson. We went to go see that sisterhood of the traveling pants movie. It really wasn't all that great...better than in good company...but still not that great. But anyways, I was quite intrigued by this whole idea of loss and connection that surrounded the movie. The thing is, is that as far as these 4 girls were apart, they were still connected by something--the pants. But it really got me thinking. Things change, people change, circumstances change...everything changes. For me, there are certain things that I want to change...but then there are other things that I want to hold onto forever. But even if I do get separated from the people I want to stay with, I realized tonight that there will always be something that is connecting us. As far apart as we may go, we can remain even closer through knowing christ. Listen to some of the words of paul to the phillipians:

"In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me."

This is not necessarily a whole new concept for me, but sometimes it's easy to forget a lesson once learned. Re-visiting this has really encouraged me. It's so easy to leave people and give up hope of ever really connecting with them again. But we are one in christ and that shall bring us closer than ever...even though we are physically apart.


I wonder what's gonna happen to you
Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know where the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
I know that this is not goodbye.
--u2 "kite"

Well, let me catch you up...
Friday I hung out at my house then went to the "lot party" at the church. (which was actually inside) Then Saturday was my grad party...which went awesome. It was a really long day, but totally worth it. Then yesterday, sunday, was my last day on the worship team. Sad, yes, but fun. It was probably the best time I've had playing with the guys in a long time. It's just going to be really weird not being a part of that anymore...but I'll be back soon enough. But anyways, then coldplay was on mtv last night...which was great. I can't wait to get the cd tomorrow. My voice is still completely gone. Actually, it was the worst it's been over the past couple of days today. Not only did I completely lose it because of the show on friday, but then I've been talking on it a lot in the past few days. Especially yesterday I found myself once again having to talk pretty loud in the youth room. It doesn't hurt or anything...it's just really annoying because I can't talk or sing. I sound like a injured duck or something if I try and sing...it's actually quite humorous because it sounds so bad. I hope it comes back soon.


And the hardest part
Was letting go
Not taking part was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
Was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
--coldplay "the hardest part"

So, I'm not exactly sure when I'm going to learn that drinking starbucks at night keeps me up forever. I guess it's just that I never really drink a whole lot of caffine, so when I do, it keeps me up. Tonight Rachel and I went to borders for awhile and checked out some books then stopped by starbucks before we came back to my house and watched anchorman. That's a great movie...I've seen it twice in the past week since nick bought it. I can't believe it's June already. This year is flying by so fast. Earlier tonight I had this big dinner/awards thing at Glenmore for one of my scholarships. It was really nice. Kind of boring though...nothing that you wouldn't expect from a scholarship dinner.

Lately it's really been occuring to me that we often find ourselves forgetting that everything is according to God's will and in his timing. We can be so focused so on the future that we lose the precious time we have right now. Or, we are too focused on something that we want to have at this very instant that we falsely fall into the trap of thinking that we "need" it immediately. It's all according to God's plan. Why try and rush? Sometimes what you think you "need" now really isn't as urgent as we think it is...be patient, it will come eventually.


There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
I'll wait for it to come
--copeland "coffee"