Tonight was boring. We had everyone over to celebrate my grandma's birthday. We're talking everyone. Grammie and Bumpa, Mom and Dad, Bryan and Karrie, Andrew and Rebekah, and Nick and Karee. So needless to say, I was the odd-person out...which made things even more boring than ever. I escaped up to my room after a while. Today I was dying to get out of my house, so I went to walmart and put a few pictures through the 1 hour photo to finish up my picture boards...and I wandered around for the entire hour. Well actually, I did run over to Target, but that's besides the point. Tomorrow won't be so bad because I'm teaching lessons and then I have worship team practice. Then after that me, josh, ryan, and sean are going to practice for the car show. What a sad day, tomorrow is going to be my last worship team practice.

Well, I'm running out of things to read already this summer...I've actually began to re-read a book on corporate worship since it seems to be a fitting topic for the next couple of months. There is so much power in people's encouraging words. Sometimes the smallest little things can stick with people forever. Remember that.


I’m diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you but I don’t know if I can
I know something is broken and I’m trying to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway I can
--coldplay "x&y"

Well, nothing too exciting has happened since thursday. I've just been enjoying the life of a college kid. haha. Over the school year I got in the habit of going to bed relatively early (10ish) because I had to get up so early. But it's nice now that I'm done, I've been slowly getting back into the routine of staying up later and such. I'm much more of a night person (depending on what i'm doing of course)...but when you've got to get up so early for, you've got to plan for it. So I went to the record exchange a couple days ago and found a couple of good cds for pretty cheap. I got coldplay's parachutes and U2's the joshua tree. I've been wanting the older coldplay cd, and I was highly advised that the next U2 cd I buy be the Joshua tree. So when I saw them for only about $6 each, I couldn't resist. Then, I was talking to one of my friends that works there and found out that they put out new releases 5 days early (so that's on fridays instead of tuesdays). Which means that if I wanted to spend a little more, I could get x&y 5 days early...I'm still debating about that.


But on and on, from the moment I wake till the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line just to see if you care
--coldplay "shiver"

It's over. I'm done with high school, officially, forever. Graduation was last night. It went well. I still can't believe I'm actually done though. It seems like I waited so long for it that I don't believe that it has actually happened. I'm kind of sad, but it's ok.


Hey it's ok
It’s just change
Hey it's ok
Nothing ever stays the same
You can’t be sure of everything

Certainty is over-rated
Even though it might be nice to have a guarantee
Oh stuck again, stuck again
Do the answers come?
--justin king "change"

I'm so anxious for the new Coldplay Cd to come out...two weeks from today! I love most of the songs...but I think my favorite song is going to be their second single called "fix you." I've been listening to a preview of the album online. (which you can get here) I could just listen to that 30 second clip forever. Those are the lyrics that stuck out to me the first time I heard it when they performed on saturday night live.


The tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
--coldplay "fix you"

Nothing really exciting happened today. I've pretty much just hung around here for the majority of the day with the exception of running a few errands. I worked on the last of the picture boards for my graduation party to...but I still have to tape it all down though. I think I've decided not to go to camp ligonier. There is just too much stuff going on with graduation. Plus, I'd feel bad leaving for a week while my grandparents are here visiting for my graduation. The weather today was kind of crappy...but I guess it's got to rain sometime. Well actually, it's not really that bad. I love thunderstorms. (well, sometimes) Sometimes I feel bored just hanging out at my house all day...but today wasn't boring. It's nice to be able to take a day off sometimes.


I've done all I can
To stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
--john mayer "daughters"

I fell asleep on the couch this afternoon. But I guess I had it coming...I drank starbucks last night around 7ish and it kept me up forever. And then I had to get up early for worship team this morning...but I don't mind. Life is good.


We do the best we can in a small town
Act like big city kids when the sun goes down
If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
--copeland "coffee"

Well, it may seem kind of early to be up on a saturday morning....but when the sun is glaring in through your blinds, there's nothing you can really do about it. Plus, I've been sleeping in for the past couple days anyways. These last few days haven't really been all that exciting. I went to zack's lacrosse game and then watched the season finale of revalations over at benny's on wednesday, and then on thursday the only thing I did pretty much all day was teach a few lessons and go to worship team. Yesterday my mom and I spent the day shopping for graduation clothes and such. I like shopping, (especially when I don't have to pay) but yesterday was entirely too long. I'm more of a hoodie and corduroy type of girl and we spent all day looking for skirts and dresses.

I want to have people over soon to watch a movie in my basement because we just hooked everything up. We had the surround sound and everything before...but now we have an extremely large TV to go with it. I haven't seen Napoleon Dynamite, and I eventually want to...but I know it'll be stupid if I watch it by myself.

Why is it that all the people that you need to talk to are never online?

I just finished my last day of high school...ever. I can't believe I'm finally done...I never thought this day would come! I'm so excited! I don't really feel different...I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do with myself...I wish I could bring some of my un-graduated friends with me. It feels like I should still have to get up everyday at 5:30 and get going to school. It's really mixed emotions. I'm really excited to be finally getting out of there, (boy have I waited forever for this or what!?) but at the same time I'm sad to leave the comforts that any high school brings. You know--walking down the same halls, hearing the same bells, going to the same locker, seeing the same people everyday for 12 (or in my case 10) years. It's actually kind of weird that when you walk down hallways that you can time whether you're late or not based on when you pass someone you recongnize...or once you've made eye contact with a stranger once in the halls, you will do it again everyday without intending to. That is, of course, if you even pay attention in the hallways. It's just going to be weird to never speak to more than half of these people again after I've continuously seen them every day august-june for the past 10 years of my life. I guess I'm just happy to be a little sad...if that makes sense.

Today was kind of boring. I got up and went to school like normal and then hung around the house the rest of the day. I worked on a bunch of stuff for my graduation party...mainly putting together the picture boards which my mom insists on having. It's actually kind of funny to look back at all the old pictures and remember california. Most of the time, it's almost like I forget that I used to live there. I also figured out where my name really comes from...and I thought I was always exaggerating when I said that I am named after every grandma I've ever had! We're talking it goes all the way to my great-great-grandma on my mom's side. It's really funny in the pictures of after we moved because most of them are of me and Steph over the past 10 years. Some of them are pretty hilarious too.

I wish it were sunny outside...or atleast warmer. I was so miserable today stuck in the house...I really just wanted to throw on some shorts and go outside and read for a while. Hopefully it'll be a little warmer tomorrow. Plus my mom set the fire alarm off to day cooking dinner, (which isn't that big of a deal), but in order to air out the house really quick, she opened up doors and windows so our house is freezing. We finally got our new TV yesterday too...it's pretty sweet. You've got to love those deals my mom makes making curtains. In exchange for making some curtains, we were given a 55" TV free. It's huge...but it's great for movies. I watched the I-talian job on it yesterday...it was pretty sweet. I don't even like minis all that much...but that movie makes me want one.

Only 3 days left! Well, yesterday was senior service day. It wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be. For awhile I was debating on whether or not I should even do it, but i decided to since I really don't have anything better to do. It was actually quite refreshing to hang out with some of my Jackson friends again. I haven't done that in what seems like forever. Usually I only see them for 5 minutes in the morning before we all head to class...if we're lucky. It was me, Lauren, Danielle, Karrie, and Emily. We went to oakbrooke...or oakpark preschool. (I don't remember...but I know it was something with "oak" at the beginning) We planted 10 flats of flowers all over the place. My knees hurt today from kneeling on them all yesterday. We actually got done early, so we illegally went out to eat before we went back to the park to check in. (haha...i know, we're rebels!) It was a pretty good time. Well, then last night was Ryan and Christina's wedding. It was gorgeous. I really didn't know anyone at the ceremony...but I knew quite a few people at the reception. The reception was at this amazingly beautiful ballroom in downtown Akron. It was cool because it was kind of my first big night out since I turned 18 last week. Of course, to be "considerate," I called my parents to let them know I was on my way home, but they really didn't specify that I had to be home by a certain hour or anything. I felt like I had so much freedom that I didn't have before...not that I really ever had a set curfew before either, I usually just tell them when I'll be home, and they're ok with it as long as they know what's going on.


I just know that he warms my heart,
and knows what all my imperfections are.
--copeland "brightest"

I've done a lot of running around today. I got gas yesterday and I'm already down to 3/4 of a tank! That makes me kind of sad because that means I will have to get gas again sooner than I wanted to. Oh well. I got the new Dave Matthews Band CD today too. I've never really listened to them a whole lot before, but since I like their new song, I decided to check them out online and their new cd is actually pretty good. (they're no coldplay though) What really interests me is their wide variety of instrument use. They're not your typical 4 instrument band. The music is very textured with a lot of different sounds. Oh my word, now I feel like I'm in music theory all over again. I was in starbucks when the storm hit tonight...I got drenched running from the doors to my car parked only about 100 feet away. I love thunderstorms.


It's out of my hands for now
I can't just walk away
It'd be nice to walk away
--Dave Matthews Band "out of my hands"

I'm so torn between where I am and where I want to go...between how things are and how they should be.



My ship set its sail a long time ago
My mind has said its farewell
And my lips have declared "it's time"
But my heart cannot say its goodbye.
--Shane and Shane "still at shore"

Well, this weekend has been pretty awesome! Not only was yesterday my 18th birthday, but my parents and I drove back down to good ol' coshocton and got me a guitar as my birthday/graduation gift. My eyes got a little too big down their though, so I ended up sacrificing a large lump of money to put towards it. Oh well, I love my guitar. In fact, it's not even one of the two that I had narrowed it down to. The Larrivee had an awesome acoustic sound in relation to the taylor I was looking at because it had a slightly larger body. However, the taylor blew the larrivee out of the water when they were plugged in. So, I had come to a halt in my search for my perfect guitar. Luckily, my dad was getting a little curious and began to look at some of the other taylors. He pulled out a 414ce and it was "love at first play." (haha...i know i'm cheesy) But it has a slightly larger body than the orginal taylor...about the same size as the initial larrivee...so it put out a pretty good acoustic sound. And once it was plugged in, I was officially convinced. The taylor expression system is amazing. It's a limited edition made with a spruce top and indian rosewood sides and back...compared to the normal spruce top and ovangkol back and sides. Ovangkol is essentially a cheaper version of rosewood. So, I was able to play last night and this morning with my new guitar! Check it out--My Taylor.

Well, tomorrow is senior skip day...and I have to go to school. My parents think that it's not a good idea and that it's "illegal" and such. I remember they didn't let any of my brothers skip either...they all were pretty mad. But honestly, I'm not that upset about it since I get out of there after 2nd period anyways. I didn't even go to prom or cedar point anyways, so it's not like I'm unusually tired or anything either. You know what I realized today...I love hanging out with the with the worship team and folks that always go out to eat on sundays. I wish we would all do more together.

Lying on the floor I wonder--
Are you just too afraid to show it?
I guess we'll never know
Are we blinded by a reason?
Am I waiting for an answer I don't want to know?
--Matthew "never"

David Crowder said this when talking about one of the new songs on his record--

"It is a very personal song and one that holds a lot of emotion and sometimes it is a difficult thing to get this into your voice and skin. but it was all very present. it is a wonderful thing to feel. i know a few people who are unable to feel anymore. life has just taken it out of them. so i sang. and i felt it all. i am glad."

After reading that, thoughts just started to fly through my head. It is true, especially about music (atleast for me), that different songs can hold different a lot of emotion...whether it be coldplay or crowder. However, this is especially true about worship songs. So often, we all sing songs of love, joy, repentence, and surrender, but how often do you really just let our emotions go? Of course I don't mean that you have to cry everyweek, or be jumping up and down during every song...but how often do you really let those words that we are singing penetrate into your soul? How often are those words truly your prayer as we sing? Too often you allow your heart to harden and you just stop feeling. You stop feeling God in your worship and even in your life. But just let yourself go. Open up your heart and let him capture your heart again. You're head may be hanging in defeat, but He is standing right infront of you calling your name--just look up.

Less than four days! That's right, on saturday I get my guitar and it's my birthday! I can't wait. Plus, today was my last exam at Malone. So from now on it's going to be smooth sailing until graduation. I can't believe it's almost over...wow. So everyday from now until the rest of the year I will get out from Jackson at about 8:45 and be able to do whatever I want. I'm thinking that I may frequent starbucks a little more in the next month or so. With all this extra time on my hands, it will be a good opportunity to hang out with some of the gang before graduation. Have a great night!

Yesterday was amazing. I was like a little kid in a candy store...it was great! I went down to wildwood to start looking at acoustic guitars. I think I have it narrowed down to two...which is a great accomplishment since that house is packed with guitars. Either a Larrivee or a Taylor. I keep swaying back and forth. Yesterday I was leaning more towards the Taylor, but today I'm leaning more towards the Larrivee. Tomorrow I will probably be back toward the Taylor. The mahogany on the Larrivee is just so beautiful...who would have thought that a guitar could be so gorgeous? Ok, so check out the two that I'm looking at and let me know what you all think. I'm all about getting as much feedback as I can before I make my decision...which will hopefully be soon. My parents want to look around, but my heart is set either one of those two. So check them out and let me know what you guys think.
The Larrivee
The Taylor


I love being near you.